Done done done...NOT!

My weigh-in was today and I'm up 2 lbs. I'm not concerned because I know what I did to gain that 2 lbs. I call it self sabotage, not caring about myself and having a bad attitude about weight loss in general. I was almost ready to say F-it but I knew that the person who suffers in the end is me. I'm worth fighting for and being good to.

Yesterday I woke up and I was very sad, to the point of crying at the drop of a hat. I was besides myself with grief, grief for loss and suffering. I couldn't think of anything but doom and gloom, so what did I do? I ate and ate and ate some more. It wasn't nothing big or nasty, I just grazed all day. I turned to the comfort I knew best, the comfort of food that doesn't talk back, that doesn't condemn me, that doesn't want a thing in return. I chose my old friend food. So many years I have called on this friend. The past it would have done the trick but as I stood on my scale for weigh-in this morning it was clear this friend is not a friend at all but a enemy to all that I'm trying to do for me.

So I say good bye old friend I will miss you but I don't need you anymore. I have a new friend and that is me. I will not hurt me anymore by putting in bad foods into my body. I will treasure myself because there is only one me. I will care for my outside as well as my insides because they reflect each other.

My goals for this coming week:

 

• make video blog
• eat whole foods
• dont skip breakfast
• take my vitamins daily
• go to bed before 11 every night

Im going to write in my blog more than 1 x per week, this will keep me accountable even if its to myself. I need to get on track if Im to meet my big goal by 12-31-11
So onto new and I hope exciting week
Peace Love Happiness ~SHAWN

 

Life is a journey

I had my weigh-in today and I'm down 2.2lbs.

Wish I could say I'm pleased but it doesn't feel like an accomplishment. I didn't complete my goals that I made for myself last week. The loss was from not eating properly. I had a few days I just didn't care to eat. Life is getting the better of me. I'm really trying hard to focus on getting healthy but every time I think I can I get side tracked from life.

Ive lived almost 40 years now you would think it would have taught me a few things? I was laying in bed last night, pondering why? Why do I let others make me feel so bad. I have spent a majority of my life pleasing others, worrying and always being careful to say just the right thing to them so I dont hurt thier feelings. Im always concerned with others even if I know it will hurt me in the end. Its time to understand they are who they are and there is nothing I can do to change them. I can change the way I let them effect me though.

 I go about my day every day and think of things I can do to help others or better myself. I'm starting to wonder does anyone else do this? Why is it so hard to be nice, is thinking about your self selfish or a thing that needs to happen in order to preserve your heart?

I choose to live being positive, I choose to think and speak positively. 

I have to put a end to it, the craziness of it all is to much to bare, Im not going to feed into the hurt anymore. Ive done what I can and Ive come to the conclusion it will never be enough. So its time to let go of what could have been what I wanted to be.

Life is to short to cry everyday, to be idle in the past, and forgiveness is a must. If I dont forgive I will carry this cross for the rest of my life. I forgive the people that robbed me of my childhood, I forgive the people who took my daughters childhood. I forgive the ones who spoke without knowing. I forgive the ones who have hurt me beyond repair. Im letting go of this pain Ive carried for so many years I give it back to those who created the misery. Im not your prisoner any more.

Im set free!!

So onto a new week, I'm not sure what it has in store for me but I know one thing, Im in control of my feelings, and I will not surrender to the pain.

Peace Love Happiness

~SHAWN~

To Breakfast or not to Breakfast that is the question???

I'm so baffled about breakfast, I just cant seem to like it. I try this dish that one simple ones complicated ones and I always come back to the same issue, I don't like to eat in the morning! I just hate it I don't feel like chewing and  I really don't like how my tummy feels when I eat in the morning. It usually takes me 4-5 hours after I wake to feel like I want to eat.
I went online and read so many ideas of what a person is suppose to do upon waking. The first is to make sure you have a good breakfast it will help your metabolism. Then I read that a person is suppose to eat only fruit till noon because that would help with the weight loss. Then I read a person say (some yogi) that you must not eat anything till noon so you then can break-fast and eat your first meal of the day, this is so your body rest and eases into eating for the day. Well do you get my issue now? I'm so confused! To eat or not to eat, what to eat and what not to eat now those are my questions!?
My body feels like its a no but from the majority of what I have read I'm thinking that I should force myself. They say if you do a task so many times it becomes habit. I need to make this a habit but now to get my tummy on board with it.
I wonder if more people have issues with this? I think so because man did I ever find a ton of info on the www! Never the less I'm still confused?  I'm going to try it for one month to have breakfast within half hour of waking. Ill let you know how it goes.
~Peace Shawn~

Mindless eating

This week my weight is the product of mindless eating.

I can make a ton of excuses, my life has been full of them the past dew weeks. I know what I have done and what I need to do but I just choose not to. Why? I'm trying my hardest to figure that question out, I ask myself on a daily basis why?! Why should I give it my all? Why do I care at all about how much I weigh? If I look deep inside I'm sure to find the answer, but it takes the "want" to be open enough to hear the answer.

I'm scared of change I know that much, I'm scared of how my body is looking losing the weight (skin is not being nice to me). I'm afraid I wont have my cushion of excuses to fall back on. There are so many reasons I keep this weight on. Now it is up to me to talk myself through this and become the person I want and need to be.

So onto a new week, what this week hold is all up to me.

My goals for this week:

• eat whole foods only
• dont eat out of bordom aka mindless eating
• eat breakfast daily
• walk 5 miles daily

I have a weakness for salt and sugar so I will do a detox this week, not looking forward to the headache but for my weightloss this will make a big difference.

Here I go,onto another week of wonder.....
~Shawn~

 

Spread thin..

Its been a while since my last blog. Ive really wanted to, there are many excuses why I didn't, but in the end it was just the feeling of who cares that prevented me from doing so.

I woke this morning flooded with the anxiety of all that is going on in my life. As I lay there and pondered over things I can not change. I can not change the way others show compassion, I can not change the fact they are oblivious to my feelings. I'm the one who let others side track me and take what Im not willing to give.

I have done this for far to long and Im just now opening my eyes to what I let happen. I give people the ability to pick and chose my days and my time. I let others feelings come before my own. It reflected this in my weight this week. Im up 1.4 lbs. Im not at all happy with that number. I did this though, I let others spread me thin and I did nothing to prevent this gain.

I have to start practicing what I preach. Ive told my girls tons of times. Dont let people hurt you,(even though I do), dont let others dictate your life(like I do), dont be afraid to ask for help (I need to ), be the best you can be and forget the rest ( words I need to listen to). I need to get a hold of my life and do what is best for me and my mental and physical well-being.

So on to another week, where will it take me? I know one thing, it will be where I want to go!

http://youtu.be/PmAglGdibYs

~PEACE~