Turn another page

I come to a time in my life where I need to turn the page. I need to get moving on with life instead of staying in the world of self pity and boo hooing my days away.
I need to surround myself with uplifting people that will encourage, not discourage.
I have always tried to be a person who really listens, I'm some what of a energy feeler. I'm talking about the energy you bring into a room, I feel all of it. Some days it makes me want to go out of my skin because I'm like come on people is it really that hard to be nice?
Well back to my want for the page to turn. I need to for me and me alone, I keep hanging on these pounds for so many reasons, it wasn't until today when I had a moment reading a friends blog I understood why I hang on to this weight.
 I sabotage my weight loss goals as well as my goal to live a compassionate life, in order to make other people around me comfortable with themselves. In turn, my light dims, and I succumb to the brownies with ice cream.
So I'm going to try to really see what I put in my mouth and why? Am I hungry, excited, overwhelmed? So onto  better days of putting me first, after all without a good me how can I be good to others?
Peace out my cyber make believe friends lol

To think or not to think...I'm over it...

When did I lose mine?

I feel some days I just don't have the strength to learn or listen. I just hate those days! Ive been so boo hooo these past few years, always have something negative to say. You know that's just not me and I'm learning why I was doing this. I was on the bandwagon to nowhere. A bandwagon filled with self pitty, one place I thought Id never be.
So off that subject I'm changing and all is good. Like the saying goes "Keep on keeping on"
I'm not looking forward to next week it is the end on my challenge and I think I loss? But I'm going to give it my all. I worked out more in the past 2 weeks than I have all year. I did notice the scale going up but it always does at the beginning of a heavy workout schedule. I'm going to work out daily till weigh in on the 2nd. Well I'm off to start my day, miss all my F.B. friends wish I could go back on but oh well I'm not going there again! Learned my lesson for sure, no more pain no more problems!!
See ya, who ever is out there in cyber world :/

Just another trial..

Today I have decided was my quit day. It has been OK so far and I'm halfway over my day ad I have only used 1 gum so far. I was told the other day that if you want to quit just quit. Its all in your head, at first I was pretty upset, I was like how dare you judge me, you have no clue what I have been through. It's hard to understand unless you have had an addiction. I've never felt this pull as I have from that dam cigg. I hate the control it has over me. I hate the fact I already miss it.
I want to wake up one day and not have the craving, the ever nagging feeling of want. I'm not sure whats worse, dieting or quiting cigarettes? I don't know which one I hate more?
So onto the rest of this crazy long day, I will let you know tomorrow how it goes!

Shake that A**!!

I sure love the Zumba!

It is hard to get up and go everyday, especially if you have issues with health. I cant name how many times I just didn't want to work out because I was scared. I'm scared to die of a heart or asthma attack. I get so scared to give it my all and it will be the last thing I do before I croak.

What I learned today, I cant live in fear. It will rob me of a active functional life.

 Today I turned up the music and did Zumba for a hour and guess what! I didn't die :)

So I just have to follow the lead of my body and know when to do my inhaler and take my meds on time, I'm in control its not in control. I gave this disease to many years of my life time to take it back!

Off to start a awesome weekend

Peace to you and yours!

One's cup of tea is another's cup of pooo!

Like my journey to weight-loss I also have a journey to a more compassionate life.

In this part of my life, this time in age it is so important to eat healthy, and have also mental health. We, I believe, can not, I repeat can not, have one without the other.

I catch myself people watching, I don't mean the simple looking out the window people watching, not the sit in the park people watching, (I do find that fun though), I'm talking about really studying people and there actions and the way they treat themselves and others. I find it interesting I can pin point a person's happiness in 5.2 seconds flat. The energy I feel from others is crazy! I have had this since I can remember. The senses in a person's body is incredibly amazing!

That said, I see the looks I get when I say, oh no thank you I don't want to eat meat. I see them look at me then I just cringe because I know whats coming next, a bunch of weird off the wall questions. I feel the energy around me get awkward and defensive in turn I get anxious and wish I could crawl under a rock.

What gives another person the right to dictate to you what you should and should not believe. It goes hand in hand with religion and other social so called the "RIGHT" things to do. Societies norm.

I'm not your so called normal gal, I just don't think it's in me. I was born destined to be different and guess what I'm OK with that! I'm happy to be me, love me or hate me that's your prerogative but never the less I will be me now, tomorrow, till the day I die.

That's just me, I want to live with happiness and compassion for others as well as myself. I want to spread the word that it is OK to be different. Your higher power knows who you are, the purpose in life is to find it and live it fully!

Peace be with you and yours tonight and the next time someone criticises you for being you tell them, with love, STICK IT WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE!

Time is ticking!

I have 22 days left til my challenge is over with my sister. It has been such a hard 10 weeks. I loss a few people, loss a few things but haven't loss to much weight.

 I tend to keep putting things in my mouth when I'm stressed. I just cant seem to gain control over it. I say so many times to others its in your mind! Well tell my mind that!

I feel some days what the heck I deserve a treat, what the heck the kids need a treat well if they have one so do I, what the heck I worked hard today I'm having what I want. Then weigh in day rolls around and again I'm angry with my self and disappointed that I have no control!

I have to come to terms with my mind issues, it is in my mind!

So today I really have to be aware of my triggers and write them down. I will post tomorrow my discovery. I know there are a lot of triggers, sometimes I find myself wanting a treat if I'm sitting watching my favorite show. I actually wont watch the show unless I have my treat on lap. Crazy isn't it? Well crazy is what you do and thats crazy!

Tonight is one of my favorite shows B.L. and yes I do eat while Im watching it, I know its a weight loss show, Im sure there is a ton of people who do. I know this for a fact because there are so many like me, mindless eaters watching a t.v. show, in hopes it will some how rub off them by some miracle, and we lose weight via the show. Well atleast thats what I amagine in my minds eye.

Well another morning down another day of choices. How will it pan out well turn into tomorrow to find out :)

Have a blessed and healthy day!

Wagon was I on one?

This day in age you would think people have freedom of choice. At least you would think?

I found myself slipping into the grips of others thoughts and actions. I wanted to be just like them.

 I don't want to feel like I don't have eyes on every move I make like I'm a alien or something.

 Does that make me a follower? I'm sure not a leader.

I have a way about me that likes to please others, I think this is the root to all my problems. Ive always helped others even if it meant I go without. I am a pleaser for sure.

Why is it so hard for me to put me first? I feel guilty? I feel less than? I feel unloved? I feel not worthy? Don't want to hurt other people's feelings? I don't want to shine to bright so others don't feel like they fade to black?

I can say honestly, I feel all those, and than some. I put others first because I hate to see the sadness, madness in their eyes.

So I went against what my soul was telling me and I became them, those who I detest and want to get away from, my demons are on my heals. I see their breathless attempts at play and there eyes so heavy with clown like smiles, a shell of what their mothers dreams was for them.

No not me I don't want to become what I'm running to, so how do I stop? Its me all me and no one or nothing can do this but me.

My goals for this coming week is to take a few hours a day and really reflect on myself and why I got to this place. Why do I let others ideals of life make me thin mine are not worthy, who are they to say they are right, whom am I to say I'm right? Lots to think about for sure.

I plan on blogging everyday and also reread all post and reflect on my writing.

On to a compassionate meat-free day!