Wagon was I on one?

This day in age you would think people have freedom of choice. At least you would think?

I found myself slipping into the grips of others thoughts and actions. I wanted to be just like them.

 I don't want to feel like I don't have eyes on every move I make like I'm a alien or something.

 Does that make me a follower? I'm sure not a leader.

I have a way about me that likes to please others, I think this is the root to all my problems. Ive always helped others even if it meant I go without. I am a pleaser for sure.

Why is it so hard for me to put me first? I feel guilty? I feel less than? I feel unloved? I feel not worthy? Don't want to hurt other people's feelings? I don't want to shine to bright so others don't feel like they fade to black?

I can say honestly, I feel all those, and than some. I put others first because I hate to see the sadness, madness in their eyes.

So I went against what my soul was telling me and I became them, those who I detest and want to get away from, my demons are on my heals. I see their breathless attempts at play and there eyes so heavy with clown like smiles, a shell of what their mothers dreams was for them.

No not me I don't want to become what I'm running to, so how do I stop? Its me all me and no one or nothing can do this but me.

My goals for this coming week is to take a few hours a day and really reflect on myself and why I got to this place. Why do I let others ideals of life make me thin mine are not worthy, who are they to say they are right, whom am I to say I'm right? Lots to think about for sure.

I plan on blogging everyday and also reread all post and reflect on my writing.

On to a compassionate meat-free day!